I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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