$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
