she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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