Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
