it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
