the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
