you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
