Is it because I queefed?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
