It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All the doctor said was why
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
