im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
