So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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