i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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