I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
