i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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