You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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