I'm drive I can fine osifer
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
