Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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