apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
