Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
