i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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