It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
