The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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