Cold hands, warm shart.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
