I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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