my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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