no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
