My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So apparently I’m into choking now
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
