Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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