I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
