This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
