You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
