There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
