I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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