a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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