On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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