Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
oh god was she eating orange peels again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
