dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
