I just made out with a guy for $7.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
