It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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