I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
