my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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