my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
