I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
