3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize