I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
