He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
