New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
