I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
