True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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