No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
