Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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