yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dicks are not precious.
COCAINE IS GR8
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
