I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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