You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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