i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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