OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
