Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
