I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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