2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
