Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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