is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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