batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
