Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
