So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
