(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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