from now on my penis is your penis
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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