Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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