do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
