so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
