You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
