I would go down on you faster than GM stock
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
