I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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