so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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