So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
